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Thursday March 11, 2021

6 Tips For Communicating With Your Ex-Partner

Authored by: Terrance G. Sheppard, QC Posted in: Family Law

We all wish to be married or have a common-law spouse forever during our lifetime, but unfortunately that love can be lost or life may happen which sometimes results in separation or divorce. When you separate or divorce, communication with your ex-partner can be difficult and hard on one’s mental health, especially when emotions are running high. We at BOYNECLARKE normally try and encourage our clients to work out as many issues with their ex-partners themselves as much as they can but realize it’s not always healthy or easy to do so.  

Here are some tips to keep in mind when communicating with your ex-partner:

  1. Communicate in writing (text, email, etc.)

By communicating in writing, you and your ex-partner will be aware of the fact that everything you write can be saved and may be used against you or for your benefit at a later date. This form of communication should help lower the hostility from the offset.

  1. Ignore any inflammatory or inappropriate comments

This tip may seem self-explanatory, however, many partners cannot have a respectful conversation with one another without bashing or making irrelevant comments. This form of communication does nothing other than to prolong the ongoing communication issues that already exists and makes it more difficult to communicate with your ex-partner in the future. Ignore these comments and do not get trapped into responding to them.

  1. Limit communication to necessary topics/issues

As mentioned in the previous tip, rather than spending all your energy rehashing past wrongs, focus on the issues and limit the communication to those topics only. If you notice the conversation is starting to stray away to more irrelevant topics, simply remind your ex about what you are here to discuss and if they are refuse to listen, then walk away until they are ready to discuss the issues at hand.

  1. Set up boundaries with your ex-partner:
  2. No cursing
  3. No name calling
  4. No high-volume emails/texts
  5. Treat your ex as you’d like to be treated
  6. Avoid manipulation
  7. Agree to communicate at a specific time

This will ensure that you and your ex-partner don’t disturb each other during work hours. By scheduling a time to talk about your issues together will help deescalate the conversation before it even begins because the two of you will be more prepared to have the open and frank discussion.

  1. Practice active listening

Finally, be a good listener. It can be easy at this stage of the relationship to ignore your ex and not take anything they say of value, however, that is not the right approach to help resolve your issues. You need to be able to show your ex that even though you are separated, that you still take their perspective and points of view seriously.

Lawyers at BOYNECLARKE LLP can provide you with additional tips and resources to help you navigate this unfortunate transition in your life. To speak with a member of our Family Law practice, contact Terrance G. Sheppard at tsheppard@boyneclarke.ca

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